desperate times call for desperate measures

still awaiting Sophia's arrival.
i can't vent my emotions or thoughts through her blogspot so here's mine.

i can't stand the constant questioning if i'm nervous about delivery/her because really, what scares me the most is money & the lack of.
while i'm on leave i'll only make 66% of my average checks. which at first seemed fair to me but in reality it's not going to do shit.

i'm so worried about not being able to afford being off from work & then having to go back without having anyone to even care for Sophia during the days. we can't really work our schedules out in a way that someone will always be home because it will jeopardize Brandon's hours & that's the last thing we need.

the reality that i'm about to face that i might not be able to provide for my own child is something that i never want to have.

i hate admitting that we can't do this on our own & i especially hate asking for help from anyone but as of right now i'm applying for medicaid. i got turned down for cash assistance and food stamps so really this is my only option.

at this point i don't know what to do, but it's keeping me awake and i need to know that it's going to be okay.